A sister sent this question: “As-salamu `Alaikum, I need your advice, My daughter is 12-year-old. I keep trying to remind her to pray but it seems that the prayer is heavy on her. When I asked her “have you prayed today?” she said “yes I did”, but actually she was not. I started to yell at her because she lies to me.
She just puts the prayer rug on the ground but without praying just to show me she was praying. I don’t want to yell at her but her lies make me nervous and lose my temper. How can I help my daughter pray by herself without quarreling? Any advice?“
Wa Alaikom Assalam Sister,
It sounds as if your daughter is having difficulty in understanding the importance of prayer and her obligation. I would kindly suggest that instead of yelling and getting upset, that you instead try to cultivate in her a deeper love of Allah and understanding of the significance of prayer within her.
This can be done insha’Allah by reading with her stories, watching video’s, listening to CD’s and audio’s which will insha’Allah cultivate a deeper connection and sense of responsibility as well as love.
Some good teaching tools should be available at your local Islamic center. Also, check out your Masjid and see if they have a Teen Girls Halaqa.
Usually, these girl groups take place once a week and are very beneficial in cultivating comradery among young Muslim girls, provides Islamic education as well as fun activities.
Many young Muslim girls who initially were not interested in praying, wearing hijab etc. found a new love of Islam and self as a Muslim, while attending groups such as these.
Islamic groups for young girls are important as they form lasting friendships, they learn new things about Islam as well as about themselves as budding teens. Often there is power in groups for young teens as they are quick to bond and learn as a collective.
When you pray sister, have your daughter pray with you. Children learn by example and if you are used to praying in your room, you may want to pray in a more public part of the home so she can see you praying and pray with you.
You might also want to add some nice bonding time after prayer such as sharing a sweet or doing something enjoyable for a few minutes.
This extra act of engagement is not to be taken as a bribe but rather as an association. If she starts to associate enjoyable, good things with prayers, she will be more apt to get into the habit of praying while she is learning more of how to connect her heart.
Insha’Allah, keep persistent sister and your efforts will be worth it. Insha’Allah, remember that one seeks to please Allah for the sake of Allah-because one loves Allah, thus cultivating that love with your daughter will stay with her a lifetime, insh’Allah!
We wish you the best sister, you are in our prayers.
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question.
