Sister sent this question: “Salam Aleykoum. I’ve been married for almost 4 years with up and downs but this is marriage. The main issue I encountered is that my husband who has a Muslim background does not pray regularly and on a daily basis. I tried to talk to him at the beginning but it ended up in an argument. Then I talked to his parents about it because I was worried and they talked to him but he was more upset that I told them about it. I was told to stop asking him to pray with me as it ends in an argument. I still love him but seeing him not fulfilling those obligations break my heart and as we don’t have children yet I get anxious when I think about it. He will come home straight from work then watch tv and go to bed. Or when I ask him if he would like to pray with me he will tell that he will pray later. It makes me upset but mostly sad as I pray that Allah guides us on the right path. What should I do? Thank you.”
Thank you for your question. I hope I can help you the best I can, In sha’ Allah.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who are in your situation. It must be really hard for you to live with someone who does not have the exact same values as yourself.
Approaching a man sometimes is not an easy task. Remember, many men have usually stronger ego than woman. They get into defensive position if somebody tries to tell/order them something.
Your approach
I don’t know what ways you have tried to use to make him pray, but I am pretty sure that talking to his parents was not a good idea in his case. I understand that you want him to follow the right path and commit to the basic obligations in Islam. However, there is no one final answer to how you can make him pray or what you should do in this situation.
What I would suggest is that you are patient with him and do not force him to do anything in a bad way. You want him to pray for Allah (swt) not for you.
Be gentle
You should be gentle with your husband and try to encourage him to pray in a way he does not feel pressurized by you. It is said in the Quran:
“And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allah’s) forgiveness for them; and consult them in the affair…” (3:159)
When you pray, always ask Allah (swt) to guide your husband. Allah should be the first resort of help.
I can also advise you to do a few things that might encourage him to pray more regularly:
Different approach
Make friends who are more religious and around of the same age as you and your husband. The more you interact with religious people the more you will get influenced by them.
Engage more in lectures and conferences that have positive Islamic messages and go out for meal or coffee afterwards. This can be a weekly/monthly ritual you can do together. In sha’ Allah, he will enjoy it.
Improve your relationship with your husband. Be more gentle and warm in your speaking towards him; show him love and care in everything.
When he is more comfortable and happy with you, it will be easier for you to suggest logic advice to him without it sounding like you are nagging. Communicate with him in a way he actually likes to listen to.
Motivation
Some people do not pray because they are lazy. If that’s the case with your husband, then try to set routines for things in the house.
It can be routines such as eating dinner together, watching Islamic lectures on the computer, doing things together, etc.
When these routines have been set, then it will come naturally to him to pray with you as well, in sha’ Allah.
In a marriage, you need to understand, respect, and love each other. It is not an easy task to “change” someone or break someone’s old habits. It takes time and effort.
Show him that you really care about him and that you are concerned for him. Maybe this way he will try to put some effort into praying, In sha’ Allah.
May Allah guide your husband to the right path,
salam,
