Islam allows marriage between cousins, including when the woman is older than the man. The Prophet Muhammad married Khadijah when she was 40 and he was 25, and he gave his daughter Fatimah to her cousin `Ali ibn Abi Ṭalib. Scholars stress that age is not a barrier; mutual consent, character, and religious commitment are the true priorities. Parental approval is encouraged but not mandatory when both parties are of age and capable of decision-making.
Is Marrying Your Cousin Permissible in Islam?
I understand your predicament clearly: you wish to marry your cousin, who is two or three years older than you, but you’re anxious about your parents possibly objecting. You’re seeking advice on how to proceed.
First, rest assured that Islam permits marrying a cousin. The Prophet (peace be upon him) gave his daughter Faṭimah in marriage to her cousin `Ali ibn Abi Ṭalib — a clear precedent that was followed by many of the Companions and continues to be practised in many Muslim communities today.
Does Age Matter in Islamic Marital Law?
As for the age difference, this is not a concern in Islam. The Prophet (peace be upon him) married Lady Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) when he was 25 and she was 40.
What Qualities Should Be Prioritised in a Spouse?
What truly matters in a marriage is not age, but piety, character, compatibility, and shared values.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
“A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her beauty, her lineage, and her religion. So marry the one with religion and character — may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper].” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
And he also said:
“If someone with sound faith and good character comes to you for marriage, then marry him. If you do not, there will be trials and widespread corruption on earth.” (At-Tirmidhi)
Do Parents Have the Final Say in Marriage?
Scholars agree that while parental involvement is important, the final decision of marriage lies with the man and woman. Just as parents cannot force someone to eat food they dislike, they cannot force them into a marriage they cannot accept. Your feelings and consent are essential.
How Should I Approach My Parents About This Proposal?
As for handling your parents’ concerns:
- Use wisdom and gentleness in approaching them.
- Involve a respected elder, imam, or family friend who can explain your position.
- Most importantly, make du`a — ask Allah to open their hearts and guide all of you toward what is best.
In the end, your aim should always be what pleases Allah. If this proposal is rooted in sincerity, sound judgment, and good character, then trust that Allah will help you find the best path.
